Well, my friends, it has been over a year and a half since I last blogged!
Not that I haven’t had some sort of an internet presence. With over 3,500 tweets to my name, I’m not sure whether to bust out the pom-poms or have a moment of existential questioning. Twitter is great; it makes me laugh, makes me think, and it allows me to post embarrassing and ridiculous things said by my closest friends with or without their knowledge. But alas, it does not scratch the itch of writ and wit and wanting to really say something that won’t be buried in someone’s cranial newsfeed 2 hours later beneath stacks of NPR one-liners, dieting advice, and Awkward GPR quotes (IHOP inside joke.)
Writing has always been a source of life for me. I compare it to drawing water from one of those old-fashioned water pumps; once it gets going, there is an almost endless supply of new perspectives on life, thanks to the infinite quality of the Holy Spirit and His motivation for us all to be in touch with the immeasurable length, width, depth, and height of the knowledge of God.
I stepped away from writing for a season because of one word: vulnerability.
Does the mentioning of the word make you cringe or sigh?
Being a creative & expressive person means being “out there,” and this doesn’t just require vulnerability, it is dependent on it. To say anything that is true is to be vulnerable. So what keeps us from being vulnerable? Ok fine, what has kept me from being vulnerable? Probably more things than I can list, but here are a few that might also resonate with you:
The fear of being too honest & either misrepresenting myself through bad communication, or offending/hurting someone else through being too brash or conclusive about ideas. I like being edgy, but sometimes it’s good to step back from pushing the envelope to mature a little ;)
The fear of being too “out there.” I don’t want an online diary. But I do want to write about real things. Unfortunately, someone took this a little too far and developed an unhealthy sense of connection with me through reading my blog which was not mutual. This turned into a scenario where I felt slightly stalked & a little taken advantage of. Of course this is a part of the risk in being “out there,” but folks, let’s just agree to be integrous in honoring one another. Side note: our perceived realities of people who we have not been in real community with are usually skewed.
All of that qualifying leads me to officially say, “I’m back!!”
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic of being vulnerable as an artist or writer. What are you most afraid of? What are your boundaries? What makes transparency worth it?
Thanks for sharing! I’d love to hear more about all your travels, as I know you’ve been all over the place this year.
The fear of being too honest or misrepresenting yourself through bad communication. I LOVE that. I used to get in trouble for that all the time, and though I’ve grown in this, I still have a massive fear of it. I find myself writing things just to get it out sometimes and then…then I delete it cause I feel better but don’t want it to hurt anyone or cause anyone to take things in a way I didn’t intend for it to be taken. I.E.-thinking I was pinpointing them, or thinking I was irrational and overreacting. Yes. You’ve hit it right on the dot. :o) Keep writing. I liked this post.
Those are all great signs of a great blog. When you put yourself out there and someone is able to connect that well with you you have done well and take it as a compliment.