Bombs Over Nashville [Not a threat, just highly opinionated! To be taken with salt - Mt 5:13]

Dear Christian music scene:

First of all, I honestly appreciate and value the music you produce that has influenced my life and given me stepping stones to the feet of Jesus.

That being said, I have a few semi-qualified opinions as a fellow musician and worshiper who dreams of music created for a higher purpose than ambient noise.  You know what has really bugged me lately?

Seeing the majority of Christian artists fill up half of their CD’s with covers of already popular worship songs.

Why? Do they feel as though they could produce a better ‘product’ than their comrades? Forgive me for the shallow insight, but are they trying to capitalize off of the gift God gave to their brother or sister in Christ? Did they run out of fresh material, but really wanted to get the album out before Christmas, so they pumped up the latest Matt Redman single with a few extra cellos? Or is there some Nashville rule about songs being played on the radio 5.2 billion times before a new one can be released?

Whatever the reasoning, it frustrates me.  With all of the resources [time, money, spiritual gifting, etc] that go into these albums, why aren’t artists treating their ministry platforms like precious opportunities to teach people the knowledge of who Jesus is?

It’s as if the Nashville world of pseudo-Christian pop is really just a Facebook “Top Friends” application, where musicians record and donate songs to one another just to pass the time – a sort of high-five in the public eye.

Please forgive the subtle rage behind my rant.  Let’s just call it passion.  My beehive of opinions has been a bit provoked by David Crowder’s recent release of “How He Loves Us”, the worshipful ‘opus’ of John Mark McMillan [Go compare the two versions, tell me what you think.]  If you aren’t familiar with John Mark, go listen to him.  Right now.  I can’t really see any reason behind Crowder’s covering it, making it more “seeker-sensitive” by changing a few lyrics, and probably making lots of money from it.  Oops, did I just say that?

Sorry, Crowder.  I love your music, really.  But don’t fix it if it’s not broken.

————————

Another point that I forgot to make earlier has to do with Keith Green.  Just about every Christian artist I know holds Keith in such high esteem, yet this whole system is exactly what he preached against.  He would scream at people when they clapped for him and refused to put a price tag on albums and concerts.  His music was theological steak because it came directly from the Word of God [vs. some of today's songs where you can hardly tell if the young tenor's wafty lyrics are about Jesus or his codependent relationship with a girl.]

Here are links to a few of Keith’s teachings from www.KeithGreen.com in regards to music and ministry:

• So You Wanna Be A Rock Star

“The Lord commands you, “Deny yourself take up your cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23). My piano is not my cross, it is my tool. I’d never play it again if God would show me a more effective tool in my life for proclaiming His Gospel.”

• Can God Use Rock Music?

“It isn’t the beat that offends me, nor the volume – It’s the spirit. It’s the “Look at me!” attitude I have seen in concert after concert, and the “Can’t you see we’re as good as the world?” syndrome I have heard on record after record. Jesus doesn’t want us to be as good as the world, He wants us to be better! And that doesn’t mean excelling them in sound, style, or talent – it means surpassing them in value – in our motives for being up there on stage, in our reasons for singing our songs, and especially in who we’re singing for! If there’s anything wrong or worldly at all about so-called “Christian rock,” it’s the self-exalting spirit and attitude that comes across so loud and clear in many of the records and concerts today.”

Home?

I’m blogging in the airport…again.  I guess it’s the easiest way to force myself to condense and process three weeks devoid of any sort of writing.  The San Diego airport is a complete ghosttown, a luxury compared to countless memories of the horrors of LAX.

While checking my baggage at the curbside checkin, a sweet younger man asked me if I was headed home.  I have to wonder if the time it took me to reply made him question my sobriety.  It brought back that same question that has been simmering in my mind for weeks, months, and almost a year [since I have lived in Kansas City since last July.]

Where is home?

Up until now, home has always been a no-brainer — wherever my parents live, which happens to be Oceanside, CA.  As I’ve meandered the path of young adulthood, I have realized that home has so much more to do with people than any geographic location.

This past month, my Mom, my best friend, and I traveled with a group of other Californians to Bucerias, Mexico to do missions and humanitarian work.  We stayed in the same place, Villa Amor, that we have been going to since I was a young teenager.  Nostalgia kicked in as we said goodbye to our long-term “missions church family”, as I call it, and I suddenly realized that my deep emotional ties to our trips with Circle of Concern had much more to do with each person that I have shared those memories with.   *See pictures from our trip here http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=265680&id=882210164&l=9921f4766f

As I head from the West back to the Midwest, there is a certain sense of being homeward bound, but there is also the heartbreaking emotion of leaving behind people that have at one time or another felt like my home.

I’m coming to terms with biblical terms such as ’sojourners’, ‘pilgrims in the earth’, and ‘longing for the heavenly tent [dwelling]‘ as I realize that this sense of homey longing is not a sign of my emotional instability or feeling unsettled in the present, but a reminder that I was created for a different sort of home: an eternal one without decay, lost friends, or regret.

Part of me wants to imagine that marriage or having my own family will rebirth this comforting sense of home that embraced me as a child, however I know through witnessing tragic divorces and hurting families, that it is but a mirage that will only satisfy to an extent.  Jesus is meant to be my home, and the same hunger that drove me to him when I was 19 and happy in every material sense will continue to remind me that I am but a pilgrim.

It is a pleasant reminder:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

⁴“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

⁵“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

⁶“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Matthew 5

Perfection

So I’ve had quite the week of navel-gazing, as they call it.  It seems to be the vice that I fall back on when I have too much time sit around and think about stuff.  Temporarily housebound from the blizzard this past weekend left me in a state of feeling the deep need to get “sozo’ed”, a Greek word in the New Testament and a term for popular program at Bethel Church in Redding, Ca known for its more holistic approach to healing, both physical and emotional.

Perhaps it comes from my deep interest in the study of psychology that turns my thoughts inward.  In attempts to diagnose myself with a cause and a cure, I end up in a state of mental and emotional hypochondria.

Before I become introspective about my chronic introspection [lol], let me cut myself off and say that the Lord is delivering me of it! Through studying the life of David in my most recent FSM class, I am coming to terms with David’s immense imperfections and the way that the Lord dealt mercifully with his unbelief, bold sins, and tender repentance.

As usual, God has given me a revelation of this through Jesus.  By looking at the Cross, He encourages me to “put on the new man” and no longer submit myself to the workings of the law and the flesh.  Jesus died both to spare me from having to earn perfection and to give me access to perfection by the workings of the Holy Spirit.  By His perfection I am healed.  He attained the image of perfection and was still charged as guilty [2 Corinthians 5:21].

Brothers and sisters, if our striving to be like Him are not empowered by the Spirit’s work within us, then we will come up short, exhausted, and unencouraged by our own inability to produce a righteous heart.  Having the Spirit of God inside of us and choosing to live by the power of the Spirit are two separate things.

“Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. ¹³For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, ¹⁴because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.” Romans 8:12-14

Thank you Jesus, for your yoke is easy and your burden is light, should we understand what it means to walk in it.  Teach us to yearn for righteousness from a place of restful sonship.  Thank you for your Spirit.

One Spring Morning – Eternity & Beauty

March 25, 2009

I haven’t heard any news via groundhog but I would say its fair enough to proclaim the arrival of spring here in Kansas City. [Side note, I found out we have a groundhog or a woodchuck living under our porch. I have named him Chuck, as in Norris] After a few sporadic bouts of rain [and thunder =)] entire lawns have sprung up from ground, as well as daffodils in nearly every front yard, not excluding my own.

This morning I went for a lengthy walk/jog through our meandering suburbian streets.  It was stunningly beautiful.

Beauty is a concept that has been at the forefront of my mind for weeks, and at times when I haven’t been pondering it, God has done a pleasant job reminding me of it.  What is beauty? When you really stop to think about it, it is somewhat strange that we all agree that there is an attribute known as beauty.  Many can even agree on certain things that possess it.  However, it is a mysterious and slippery concept to try and clutch in ones hands to examine, let alone define or measure.

For the past three weeks or so, every single day has provided a window for me to at least consider the implications of beauty.  For example, *every day* I have encountered a text or compliment from a friend telling me that I am beautiful, a song in the prayer room about the Lord’s beauty, or insight into His beauty in scripture and nature.  I even decided to read a book called The Evidential Power of Beauty: Science & Theology Meet [which I can highly recommend] without even realizing it! Another book that I practically devoured is Visions Beyond The Veil, which is about visions of heaven, hell, and the End Times given to a group of orphans in China.  All of the visions were profoundly biblical and illuminating.

On my walk today I was listening to Misty Edward’s song Eternity [go listen to it!] and got caught up thinking about all of this beauty stuff =) I was stirred in my soul to worship God, feeling like a wide-eyed child as I looked at my colorfully budding surroundings.  There are times when you have to press through moods and laziness to eek out a word of praise [and doing so because He is worthy and we know that our emotions are do not dictate reality] and there are times when it comes bubbling out of you until you feel like your are going to explode.  In that combustive moment I grasped the natural bond between beauty and worship. In light of this, it is no wonder so many of us are trapped in tiresome searches to worship a beauty that satisfies, be it material things, pornography, or an addiction to self-improvement [indulging in makeup, fitness, etc].

Did you know that you were actually made to gaze on Something [or should I say Someone] beautiful? Have you read the fearful and wonderful descriptions of the throne room in heaven? [Isaiah 6, Ezekiel 1, Revelation 4]

Paul talks about this nagging ache for more in 2 Corinthians 5 as he describes our present state as being in the “earthly tents”:

⁴For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  ⁶Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷We live by faith, not by sight. ⁸We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

It is in this context that we are to carry the “walk by faith, not by sight” verse.  We are living for an eternal calling in Christ, with heaven as our home.  Sometimes feeling the sting of being only pilgrims on the earth [Psalm 84], He has given us His Spirit as a deposit [also translated as 'down-payment'] to stir up our faith and remind us of eternity future.

At one point on my walk, I approached an impressively large and burly old tree.  I curiously thought to myself, “I was created to outlive this tree.”

Organic Twitter Blog – Let the reader understand.

Monday the 23rd

Higher Grounds Coffee

A forewarning – this will be a shorter post, as I am looking forward to a soup/coffee date with a girlfriend in a few minutes.  It’s probably a good thing, because I realize that many of my writings have turned into essays of epic proportions.  If only homework flowed so easily.

Here’s a brief list of new things in the life of DeGraff…

• I have started eating more organic food. I know, it’s shocking.  I have always been the scoffer of vegans [and still am, mostly because I think their rants on soy and stealing honey from bees are oppressive], however I have recently gravitated towards a healthier and less-processed diet.  Due to long hours spent in either a prayer room or a classroom, my body has decided to make some [ahem] changes…and so I am retaliating with some changes of my own.  Plus organic milk tastes so much better! Trust me…it’s worth the extra dollar.  Also on the list is this amazing organic granola with dark chocolate and almonds.  I really can’t explain to you why it is lower in fat than regular granola but it is oh so tasty.  Another thing I’m trying out is the Bragg’s raw vinegar.  When mixed with all natural apple juice it is nice and tangy and actually gives me a great boost of energy.  Supposedly the Bragg’s helps you detox..we’ll see.  I’m also in the process of drinking a cup of chai tea in the AM instead of [approximately 32 oz of] coffee throughout the day.

• I am now on Twitter! This action-packed social networking tool [vice] gives me something to do for those 45 seconds of boredom at stop-lights, between sips of organic coffee [I mean chai], and while detoxing [n/c].  Actually I really love it because via Drudge Report and various news stations it keeps me up to date on news and gives me a great outlet for witty comments/observations/roasts/etc.  Check it out by clicking on one of the many “Follow Me” birds floating around on my blog =)

• I have happily installed NetNewsWire on my laptop and am now following blogs! Yes that’s right, I am following you and reading about your mostest deepest darkest secrets that you have posted online ;)      Actually this has become a highlight of my freetime! I am now feeling much more in-the-loop regarding my friends’ lives and hope it stirs me to start blogging more frequently.  I have also taken a liking to several entertainment based blogs, including Totally Looks Like, Stuff White People Like, and Epic Wins (from when we were kids).  Yeah, I’m a dork, but it’s just more fun that way.

• Ten minutes ago I had a [dyslexic] epiphany of why I have always confused Sigmund Freud and Siegfried & Roy.  There’s your sign folks, it’s time for coff… err chai…and soup.

Until we meet again =)

Come With All Your Faithfulness

December 26th

Airport

Where did you come up with that faithfulness?

What were you doing on the day you thought of faithfulness?

When did you come up with the colour red?

I know you knew

Your Son would shed red

For me

I know on that day you knew…

Come with all your goodness

Come with all your faithfulness

Come with all your love

Hallelujah

Man,  I am so loving Anthony Skinner’s CD, Forever And A Day.

I am sitting in San Diego’s beautiful airport, day after Christmas, and I should probably be stressed or tired or anxious because that’s what traveling does, right? Instead I am contently munching on cinnamon trail mix [sooo good] and inspired to respond to traveling in the usual way – writing.

So here’s the story of the morning.  The original plan was to fly out of SD at 9:35am, connect in Chicago, and land in Kansas City at 6:30pm.  So I arrived at the airport a little before 8am, glad to have bypassed any traffic, and feeling like perhaps the whole world had decided to take a second day off work.  That is, until I walked into the checking area and instantly felt that old familiar ‘cattle in the branding pen’ vibe.  Looking at the boarding pass I had printed at home, I realized that it was marked “Priority Access”.  I got to wait in the short line on some fancy red carpet, feeling like some sort of celebrity incognito with my giant purse and freshly cut and dyed hair.  No worries though, I am not ‘that one girl’ at the airport with the high heels on.  I’m more of a Vans girl =)

So as I make my way down my velvet runway, I notice signs all around that it now costs $15 to check on bag, and $25 to check two.  Lame! There’s the spirit of Christmas greed for ya; “Let’s capitalize on the fact that everyone has bags full of presents.”  As the hurried American Airlines worker checks my bags, I’m thinking to myself, “Hm cash or card…” and before I know it, she has given me my boarding pass and I am free…of charge!  She also had switched my flight to one leaving an hour and a half later with no explanation of why or what the implications would be.

Going through the usual invasive barrage of security demands, I eventually find Gate 31, which is not located between Gates 30 and 32, but across the terminal.  Logically.  When I sat down, I immediately began to think of the goodness of the Lord.  A certain verse in Hosea tells us that “He leads us with cords of kindness.”  Feeling a tiny stressed about having my flights switched, I began to reminisce on one of the more mysterious nights of my life.  The short version: I got absolutely lost in the middle of industrial Kansas City in someone else’s car…at night…by myself…in the rain…and out of gas.  I calmed my heart in prayer and envisioned a well-lit busy 7-11.  Three blocks later, I found it.  After having a pimp unsuccessfully try to buy my Cheez-its, orange juice, and gas [and possibly my soul], I quickly tanked up and then drove in one direction for fifteen minutes until I arrived at a highway that would take me home.  The strange thing was that I got home about thirty minutes earlier than I should have…

That was one of those nights that made me think about the invisible ways that God works in our lives.  I remember driving down the highway and wondering if my little ‘detour’ prevented me from getting in some major accident.  We so often accuse God of not answering our prayers, but we really have no grid for His unseen work in our lives.

Sitting in the aiport, I decided to check the new flight times and figure out the rest of the day.  Somehow, I am scheduled to land in Kansas City, thirty minutes earlier than expected.

What were you doing the day you thought of goodness?

Were you thinking of the moment I might be walking along and need just a little more…

What were you thinking of?

And the Word was God.

December 1oth

Higher Grounds Coffee

There’s snow outside!!!

I’m on winter break! It is strange to realize that I have been here at the House of Prayer for six months, but nonetheless I feel as though I have grown into a new person.  It’s sort of like the way that hermit crabs find new shells…I feel like this one is substantially larger than the last, more unique, and still leaves immense room for growth.  Cheers to anyone who is picturing me as a hermit crab right now =)

Since I am unable to frequently talk to just about anyone back at home, here’s a brief synopsis of themes I have studied over the past few months here at IHOP’s School of Ministry:

• Eternal Glories of the Intercessor – taught by Corey Russell, this class included the first teachings I have ever heard about Christ being our great high priest. It brought me to the base of the Cross with a new clarity of salvation and a deep appreciation for our beautiful Saviour [for those who are unaware, I lived in New Zealand for 4 months and have since taken a liking to spelling words with 'u's.]  Anyways, read Hebrews 3-8.
• Biblical Foundations of Eschatology – taught by Dave Sliker, this class fueled my prayers for the lost, helped me understand the chronological flow of the book of Revelation, debunked common misconceptions about the 2nd Coming [one of the biggest ones being Matthew 24:36 - No one knows the day or hour DOES NOT EQUAL no one can ever know the day or hour.  So many misinterpretations...]
• Song of Solomon – taught by Dwayne and Jennifer Roberts, this course’s purpose was to study the best of all of King Solomon’s 1000+ songs [!] as an allegorical story and dialogue between Jesus and His Bride, the church.  As a believer and part of the Bride, I studied this book from a place of personal relationship as Jesus’ Beloved and went through some intense inner healing as He spoke beauty and identity over me, as well as revelation into the ways He matured me through the trials of the past two years.
• Excellencies of Christ [Christology I] – taught by Allen Hood, this class has been a series of online videos that I have been studying for two months.  It has been astounding to study the life, divinity, and humility of Jesus Christ at the same time as studying His intercession upon the Cross, His End Times plan to be reconciled to humanity, and His passionate jealous love to have a Bride.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He is the exact image of the Father.  He was misunderstood when He came in the flesh and is equally misunderstood today.  Folks, we will never reach the depths of this Man, but oh how I want to!

That being said, I love that it all comes back to Jesus.  Here’s part of a meditation assignment I had to write on John 1 about the Word being made flesh.  Enjoy.

My time spent at IHOP has brought more inner revelation about ‘the Word’ than any other period of my life.  It seems to be from a combination of long hours in the prayer room and the intensive Bible studies.  Seeing Christ in Isaiah, John, and Revelation all at the same time is mind-blowing because there is such continuity in the language and character of this Person.  Although I’m extremely busy with all of the homework, I am grateful to be able to study Excellencies of Christ (eSchool), Song of Solomon, and the Book of Revelation all at once because it reminds me that even after all of our meticulous searches of phrases and words, the general picture of Jesus Christ is in agreement with itself, and that studying Him will reveal God the Father to us.

Calling Jesus ‘the Word’ actually makes a lot of sense to me because it makes me think of the Jesus of the Prophets.  I think of how we can see reflections of him, whether slight or blaring, all throughout the Old Testament in the Psalms, Isaiah, Malachi, Song of Solomon etc.  This makes me think of Jesus when on the road to Emmaus.  I picture his emotions as he speaks with the disciples, unraveling to them mysteries that had been hidden to the ears of man for thousands of years.  Being the One anointed with the oil of gladness [Psalm 45], I imagine him being exceedingly joyful to share the depths of himself with the blessed men who were listening.  Though having been discipled by Christ for 3 years, these men still had not stepped into the revelation of Christ as the Word [in the sense of the written word.]  I’m suddenly thinking of the common phrase, “I give you my word,” and the implications of understanding this…well…word, in the same context.  This phrase has the implication of promise, assurance, and guarantee to it.  One might even use the word ‘covenant’.  This is exactly what Jesus was from the Father – a promise of His love for us, an assuring seal that we would become His children, and an establishment of the new covenant in the blood of Christ.

I imagine the Father and the Son communing together before laying the foundations of the earth and plotting all of the world’s future history as we know it.  I imagine them like parents orchestrating an Easter egg hunt for small children, taking great delight in scattering the small treasures of love, waiting eagerly for the children to find the more difficultly concealed ones.  What was it like for Jesus to listen to Isaiah write about him? In one sense, His Spirit was motivating the writing, but what was it like for Jesus to feel the emotion of being discovered as the Messiah who died and to feel Isaiah’s own response to that?

Responsible

In this photo (left to right): Tony’s Creole Seasoning, Salad Supreme Seasoning, Chocolate Malt-O-Meal, Apple Pie Spice, Pizza Seasoning, Spike, and Easy-Mac.

I call this photo ‘Ode to the Bachelor Pantry.’  This goes out to all you fellows who used to live in this house, and probably could apply to the majority of single 18 to 20-something year old males living in an environment lacking the presence of a female.  I must say that my appreciation of the Cajun seasoning cannot be undermined, as it is the sole thing other than grace that gets me through fasting.  If I make my soup spicy enough, it seems to take away the hunger element in profound ways.  I guess what inspired this blog is how funny it is that there is such a thing as Apple Pie Spice or Pizza Seasoning.  What would you add those to other than…well…apple pie or pizza? Or did some guy accidentally buy Original Pringles, and then think, “Shoot I meant to get the pizza flavoured ones…oh well I’ll just buy some Pizza Seasoning and then everything can have that straight-out-of-the-can/bag/box taste!”

In a community filled with weddings and couples and babies, I guess my maternal instincts are finally rising to the surface.  I am suddenly thinking about how nice it would be to have a family to cook REAL apple pie for.  I am suddenly eager to have children, which is a HUGE step for me – haha ask my mom.  I am excited about naming my children and watching them encounter Jesus and seeing them grow up to be fierce little messengers of the Returning King.

I think part of me also feels anxious to get a head start on the whole domestic thing after seeing where our world stands today.  Especially as a nation, we are coming into some serious shifts that will have dire effects on the generation to come if we act hastily.

I’m still reading this great book by Bob Sorge, called The Fire of Delayed Answers, and a particular chapter really struck my heart.  Bob talks about the testing of King Hezekiah, and how he was warned by the prophet Isaiah, “And they [Babylon] shall take away some of your sons who will descend from you, whom you will beget; and they shall be eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon,” in Isaiah 39:7.  And Hezekiah’s response, “The word of the Lord which you have spoken is good! For he said, ‘At least there will be peace and truth in my days,’” is a shocking one.  As Sorge says, “God’s judgment involved the generations to come, so Hezekiah takes on a passive stance.  His response sounds pious, but in actuality it’s very lazy.”

It seems like such a jarring reaction, yet it leaves me convicted to the depths of my soul because I see this exact same response in myself.

For those of you that know me, I try my best to stay out of political debates, however the Lord has hit me with a weight and a personal responsibility to have a say over things occurring in this hour.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about ‘going green’ even though that is important as well.  If we do not take a stand for the biblical [and not to mention the original and sole purpose before it became civic] meaning of marriage then our children will live in an extremely confusing and deceiving world.  Outside of our will and knowledge, our children will be taught about the homosexual lifestyle in our public schools and we will have no say in it.  AND the option of home-schooling is already being removed.  I’m sure some of you are raging at me right now, but I have to wonder if you have considered what it will be like when your kids live out their teenage years in a swirl of confusion over their own gender identity, wondering whether being born a boy or a girl was a mistake.  This is absolutely unbiblical for us to think that the Lord made us to be something we are not  Read Psalm 139.

We must take a stand for Prop 8, NOT because it is ‘against gays’ [because if you actually do your research it is not - by no means does it single out any people group or oppress them.  It merely upholds the law that has always been in place regarding marriage and its need for a definition,] but because it stands against the injustice that occurred when four judges in San Francisco decided to overturn the opinion of the majority of California.

I proudly sent in my absentee ballot yesterday.  Are you voting, Hezekiah?

Deciduous

Location:

Heather’s House

Time:

Monday morning.  Way too early.

I like to think that my writing is original, but then I realize that there are so many unavoidably cliche writing subjects that I find myself wandering into.  Think about how many songs/poems/blogs you have read with lyrics about gravity, water, and seasons.  There are so many common threads in what we creative, feeling, emo, artsy people associate our experiences and emotions with.  Yet there is no denying that there is a power in commonality.  I ask the question, why? Why do we all feel such a connection to this planet that we live on, to the point that we sympathize with its ‘moods’ and processes? From a biblical standpoint, man and his actions are deeply connected with his environment.  There are many biblical examples of man’s sinful nature having a negative effect on the land.  Jesus also spoke in many parables about the processes of sowing and reaping and also the value of fruit.  These can be seen as purely metaphorical, but if Jesus, fully God and fully man, was able to see reflections of life in the natural world around Him, then we should probably look for the same.

Anyways, aside from an interesting observation, I felt the necessity to start with such a rant to qualify myself to write a blog about seasons and not feel too cheesy or cliche.  That being said, in the Spirit of Jesus and his ability to see Creation as good and meaningful, here I go.

This is my first time to live somewhere where there actually are seasons.  Compared to mellow, laid-back Southern California, Kansas City is like a bi-polar drama queen when it comes to weather.  Each day has been different than the one before it, leaving me now in a literal whirlwind of leaves and clouds and starry nights and cloudy mornings.  I never know what to expect.  So other than my wardrobe expanding to accommodate such randomosity [new word - copyright DeGraff 08], I feel a new openness to the unexpected.  I feel the anticipation of possibility – that any day could be life-changing.  It’s exciting, and I suddenly realize that this is the way we are supposed to feel when we live with Christ as our head and leader.

Last night was the mark of another shift in my life.

By way of some divine mysterious workings, I ended up helping to lead worship for the high school group here at IHOP.  In lieu of my vocal history [here's some more on that] this was a meaningful experience, to say the least.  Afterwards, the worship leader received a call from a director and we were asked to start leading weekly.  It’s really exciting, but to be honest I felt predominantly fearful.  I have never felt like my healing is complete.  Although the Lord has promised me that I have a brand new set of vocal cords in heaven, I have not yet been given ‘full access’ to them.  I have always felt like I’m waiting for some ‘great commissioning’ into music ministry, prompted by a miraculous moment of instant and undeniable healing of my voice.  So I began to shrink back into maybe-land [the place where I got super wishy-washy about my commitments out of fear].

Later that night during a provokingly intense worship set led by Matt Gilman, I felt the Lord impressing things upon my heart.  He loves to use the weak vessels, that are full of fear, and don’t even really want to be on stage.  I have to think of the prophets of the Old Testament, especially Jeremiah.  There is no way that this young man wanted to be used as a despised prophet to the nation of Israel.  I almost feel like the Lord wants to use me because I am in a place of not wanting to be on stage.

I recently wrote a forum post for an online class about the concept of God being light.  There are soooo many references in the bible regarding both Jesus and the Father in reference to light.  Scientists don’t even know what light is, and it has to make you wonder what mysteries we will discover when we get to heaven and see the Father of Glory as described in Revelation 4 [read it and pray for dreams lol].  I stumbled across Psalm 104, which in verses 1-2 states, “You are clothed with splendor and majesty, covering yourself with light as with a garment.”  Further down, verse 14 sparked my curiosity, “You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate.”  It makes me think of photosynthesis in the context of God being light, and Him also being the Sustainer of the world…hmm.  It almost makes too much sense.

So here I am in Kansas City, a student of the autumn season.  I look at the leaves of deciduous trees and think about what has caused the change from green to red, from one beauty to another.  The shift in energy from the sun.  These once lush green trees are virtually dying and it is stunningly beautiful.  In the same way, I see how the Lord removed His hand of light for only a season so as to cause a dramatic change in my appearance and function.  I am green to orange to red to barren, on display, in weakness and submission to His will.

And there is a beauty in the dying.

“For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.  So death is at work in us, but life in you…knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into His presence.”

II Corinthians 4:11-12, 14

Just For Fun

11pm

Hot Cocoa & John Mark McMillan

The more people I meet, the more I am entertained by the idiosyncrasies that make us ‘us’.  I find great delight in learning the weird things that people share in common.  Here’s an example for the ladies: how many of you stick your hair on the wall of the shower? Growing up sister-less, I seriously thought I was the only one in the world who did that! And then I move into a room with 7 girls, thank you YWAM, and suddenly there’s hair ALL OVER THE SHOWER WALL.  How many of these humbling human antics have I yet to discover in my friends?  The topic of this post is another example of something we all are guilty of doing, sometimes in secret.

I’m talking about Google searches.

I will openly confess to Googling my own name multiple times.  I’ll take a wild guess that most of you have as well.  But what else do people waste their time away Googling?  All kinds of things.  And I have proof.  One of my favourite parts of this blog is the Statistics section.  Whether I’ve written a recent blog or not, I check the Stats all the time because it is so amusing.  This post is dedicated to those of you who have ended up on my page from search engines.  Forgive me if this feels like mockery but I feel that as long as you are anonymous, you are fair game.  Trust me, I would love to know who some of you are, especially those who have ended up here in search of serious answers, guidance, prayer, whatever.

Just for fun, here’s a few of the searches:

• Ron Gollner [I'm surprised they didn't run a search for 'ron gollner's biceps']

• Tabitha Neal photos [don't forget to lock your door at night, dear]

• discipline corsets [praise God I actually have a blog on this, otherwise I'd be worried!]

• why isn’t Misty Edwards in the prayer room [she's on a sabbatical]

• vocal chords in dreams [I would love to hear this dream]

• deep mysterious prayer [mm hmm]

• jason cruz bithday [I have to wonder if this was a high schooler doing a research paper, or did his mother-in-law forget his birthday?]

• rob bell go get the starfish [I'd love it if there was an exclamation point at the end of this one]

• ihop near scranton, pa [was Michael Scott craving french toast?]

• God is great we are not [I think Corey Russell has publicized this Job verse to the max.  Amen!]

• mosh pit punk [why, thank you]

• Sandy Flores [keep preachin' girl! Or Googling yourself...]

And last but not least, my favourite:

• obedient future husband discipline school [who knew such a thing existed? Could this be the true purpose behind IHOP?]

Anyways, that’s all.  For those of you mentioned above, congrats, you’ll probably get even more tags from now on =) A special thanks to anyone out there who falls under the category of transient blog-reader with a curious search agenda.  May you seek and find, and may your inquisitive spirit lead you into the truth that is Christ Jesus.

“The aim of our charge

is love that issues from a pure heart

and a good conscience

and a sincere faith.”

-1 Timothy 1:5-